when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
