I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
