sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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