she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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