I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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