Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
