wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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