Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
