I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize