Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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