I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
