Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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