She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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