remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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