It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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