someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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