..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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