A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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