The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
