why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
