State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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