just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
