There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
