So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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