The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
