she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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