I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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