I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
