sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
