I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
