What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
