He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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