Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
