dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
