new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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