he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
