I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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