I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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