"it" just moved
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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