I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
