I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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