I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
