You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
