I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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