this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
