How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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