Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
