dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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