Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
