My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
