Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
