He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
