Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
