She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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