I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
