Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
