i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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