Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize