Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
