We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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