Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
