I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Randomize
