Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
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BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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