question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
