tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
