i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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