so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
